...past halfway through the year 2009.

How the in the ruddy heck did that happen?

I'll tell you...on the first day of this year...my nan died.
She wasn't supposed to, I know...they never are.
She was sick in the months leading up to Christmas and it was hard work for all of us, she was in hospital but the (actually quite large & extended) family ensured that she always had one of us by her side, caring for her needs in 12 hr shifts per person. We all had the sad and yet apt opportunity of doing those things for her that she'd done for us when we were babies, and so it was duty but moreover...an honour, for one and all, traumatic & tumultuous it may have been but I've never felt so entrenched at the heart of what I believe the true meaning of 'family' is.

And so...she died and left us all quite wobbly.
She was the matriarch, the glue that held our different branches together, which sometimes would break free or run wild but would always be ushered back into the fold by her giant, boney hands and quick and clever words.

What we shared in common was our love & devotion to this woman and having her leave us finally...has drawn us together, to steal memories from each`other.

This year, I am grieving...bereft of words in the main, though my (s)crapbooks are filled with my mad ramblings and small sketchings.
I'm working on images of my grandmother as well as other members of the family, playing with new styles and such.

"Potentially", then...was a tribute of sorts.
My nan and I had a deal, though I've never planned to have children, she'd say "Well, I can't go 'till I've seen YOUR babies..." and I held her to it. Shame, makes me yearn for things unfamiliar...and miss her more than I feel I'm entitled to.

Still the pregnant, anime-style girlie is pregnant...with that expression, I'm unsure of what with exactly...potential...possible undreamed of once-were-memories...I don't think she's angry so much as determinedly disappointed...or something.

I hope that you are well...whoever you are and that you've found something to call 'beautiful' today...or tomorrow.

Lve!